I love my dad so much why cant he see this? (it's long, please read i'm really depressed right now)?

i love my father so much i'd do anything for him. i need him in my life and i miss him. my mom and dad work all the time i see them for 5 minutes everyday and some days i don't see them for several days in a row, and they don't come home at all on weekends. i really appreciate them working so hard for us but i don't want their money and the clothes they buy for me, i want their LOVE. i find i love my dad more than my mom because my mother abused me when i was small and i haven't really forgiven her my dad protects me when my mom tries to hit me. i miss my dad so much even when i think about him i cry (im crying right now as i write this) i remember it was very hard when i was younger i used to cry every night when they left for work. i was very depressed when i was younger and always thought about suicide. one day my dad just got home and i was so happy to see him, but then he said he was going and i said "you just got home where are going?" and he said "back to work" and i started balling right in front of everyone. and so he bought me crispy cream doughnuts and left for work. i was very embarred of crying in front of my family because my sister talked to me after and told me i need to stuck it up and stop acting like a baby. she said this is how life is and i need to deal with it. my dad tells me crying is a sign of weakness. i don't need doughnuts or money, i need my father. why can't he see this??? i'm crying so hard right now....